rudecosmopolitan

2005-04-10T15:47:00.000+08:00

CLOSED.

2005-03-27T15:58:00.000+08:00

2005-03-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

2005-03-06T03:03:00.000+08:00

2005-03-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

2005-02-25T02:08:00.000+08:00

2005-02-21T02:23:00.000+08:00

2005-02-20T03:37:00.000+08:00

2005-02-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

2005-02-09T19:16:00.000+08:00

2005-02-05T03:33:00.000+08:00

2005-02-04T23:42:00.000+08:00

2005-02-04T15:35:00.000+08:00

2005-02-03T01:46:00.000+08:00

2005-02-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

2005-01-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

2005-01-25T20:28:00.000+08:00

2005-01-23T17:45:00.000+08:00

2005-01-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

2005-01-23T03:13:00.000+08:00

2004-12-31T01:00:00.000+08:00

I took out my drawing pencil

to sketch the portrait of 2004.
The finished piece isn’t what i'd expected.
I wanted a perfect picture,
but all I have in my bare hands is a teary grey art.
Looking through that,

I see stories with no endings.

It may have been a beatific and enchanted year but not at all.
It sure has been a distressing and disconsolate.

Without knowing what is going to happen next,

I look back at 2004 with my drenched eye lids,
masked by my pretty shades.

And I go in search of coloured pencils.

2005 is deliciously an ambiguity for all.

ps: stay tune for pics!

2004-12-19T18:50:00.000+08:00

2004-12-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

2004-12-17T18:01:00.000+08:00

2004-12-14T16:07:00.000+08:00

2004-12-14T03:41:00.000+08:00

2004-12-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

2004-12-10T19:42:00.000+08:00

2004-12-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

2004-12-08T02:01:00.000+08:00

2004-12-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

2004-12-03T02:24:00.000+08:00

2004-12-03T02:22:00.000+08:00

2004-12-03T02:21:00.000+08:00

2004-12-03T02:20:00.000+08:00

2004-12-02T16:24:00.000+08:00

2004-12-02T02:27:00.000+08:00

2004-11-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

2004-11-30T10:55:00.000+08:00

2004-11-30T10:06:00.000+08:00

2004-11-29T13:51:00.000+08:00

2004-11-29T13:50:00.000+08:00

2004-11-25T11:40:00.000+08:00

2004-11-24T17:41:00.000+08:00

2004-11-24T10:26:00.000+08:00

2004-11-23T17:44:00.000+08:00

2004-11-23T11:56:00.000+08:00

2004-11-22T16:42:00.000+08:00

2004-11-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

edit

nomore and/or noone

friedmaggienoodles on thursday

throwingofclothes everywhere in my room

screamsandlaughters in the house

shoppingatnovena&unitedsquare on saturaday evenings

supersoakerandbubblegunfights

bitchingandgossiping of our neighbours

cominghomeLATE, knowing for sure there will be someone to open the door

sitingarounddreaming

toironmyclothes

thethreeofuswatchinglightyears

runningdowntobuyREDBEANCOOKIEsnCREAMCHOCOicecreams, to chill our heated bodies

towashmycupsnplates

sleepingonyourlap whenever we are tired or sick

countingonyou to keep siblings' secrets

delibratelyarugingforthesake aruging

tolazearoundonmondayevenings

toaskifilookFAT inthatsimpyslinkytop

tomendmyforevermessybed

toaskwhoisFATTER

tocomparemyheightnweight

orderingpizzaSonsaturdays

toshowmyevergrowingshoescollection

buyingKFCandeatingsecretly in the kitchen

simply noONE.noting.

the nights are gonna be cold and quiet without you

it has only been 3 hours since you waved goodbye at us but it seems like 3 days.

aunty, we miss you.

: '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' (

2004-11-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

empty

ishowifeel

onlyyoucanfillmewithasoul

2004-10-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

Temporaily,

disrupted

discontinued

deserted

dumped

ducked

ditched

discarded

disestablished

dissolved

disjoined

disconnected

due to bl00dy eXams!

PS: Snap shot taken @ Zouk Radio and Rhythm 2 CD Launch @ Zouk 22/10/04 is out. Check it out @ Frontallabs (under Gallery section)

2004-10-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

assembled

introduced

conversed

exchanged

lectured

tutorial-ed

laughted

dined

screamed

applauded

kudos

lazed

struggled

mugged

bitched

cheered

shopped

clapped

together.

glad to have come so far with each and everyone of you. as we set off for exams,

always remember this together-ness

-dedicated to my

Crazy

Bonkers

Wild

Psycho

Whacko

Goofy

Wacky

Deranged

Ecstatic

CS Yr 1 Sem 1

Friends.

2004-10-26T01:24:00.000+08:00

:: enjoying every bitter sweet love surrender with you ::

2004-10-25T02:30:00.000+08:00

i'm glad i made you SMILE (besides you wining the bet proposed on THAT soccer match)

all i waitin for is my Whooping HP bill.

2004-10-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

*unfinished, messy room*

*sheds hair*

*earrings all over the study table*

*unplugged radio, bumming uselessly in one corner*

raining on a Sunday. a cold windy night. with no cuppa hot low fat chocolate in sight. and no cinnamon buns, from aussie. at home. stucked in my jail.

Well let’s have a breakdown on happenings over the past two days beginning Friday and Saturday. My Sunday has spoke for itself.

Friday THE DAY – 22/10
Was down @ zouk with a handful of friends. Had invites to a double header event with the launch of Rhythm2, ZOUK’s second internationally released mixed cd and the introduction of its brand new weekly radio show, titled Zouk Radio. Could not stop yakking with Jeremy from the min he picked me up till he sent me back. Yet again, some moron stumped on my tiny toe and broke my pedicured toe nail. We had so much to catch up on – many lost private moments. It’s confirmed. Jeremy is going to the commando camp, come December 2004. With a dont-give-a-damn attitude, I certainly spoke mind though it’s not polite to bring in one’s thoughts in case of being an influence. Guess he can see where I’m coming from. Afraid to lose him. Afraid to become displaced without him. Afraid to be zonked out without listening to his huge pile of gibberish nonsense. I’ll run and take whichever ferry to come see you and this I assure you.

Samantha dearie/darling, constantly, went missing throughout the whole zouking night. She was running around zouk with my laughter, joy, chocolates, leaving Kelvin with the rest and me. Dearie, sigh. I helped you but it didn’t yield the best outta me. Sorry. Was waiting for val. Bumped into a gurlie friend - Popcorn. We are still as bitchy and raunchy as ever. Like always, we were squabbling, rebutting and exchanging lustful stares. Still waiting for val. ZQ was down, too, with Shirley. The four of us including Jeremy was gossiping and bitching over pitches of Chiva’s cooler, barcadi breezer lime and Vodka Ribena (a complimentary drink bought for canny and girls, only to find its way to our table). Still anticipating the arrival of val.

Saw Posha. Had a quick chit chat with her when her friend came over with a frontallabs.com photographer to take a snap shot! *click click click* Expecting and hoping for val to arrive to bounce over @ phuture.

But nah, was down @ phuture with eug n friend and zq, shirely and Jeremy. Had a plate of apple shooters (and Heineken and vodka lime, utilizing drink coupons) – which ZQ and I are still very much puzzled on the amount we’d to pay. Certainly, no idea why a whooping 108 bucks. Being a don’t-mess-with-me customer, I debated on the payable amount but lost the battle. I still remember the waiter’s face. And I still do.

Ta-Da. I see val. Yahoo! Didn’t manage to chat her up much. But we had fun boogie-ing, right, babe? Sam is STILL nowhere to be found. Amidst the dark, even. Usually, I can but just on this day I could not. Sam, my chocolates are with you. With permission granted, you can devour and feast upon them :p

As I blog, I come to think. How awful and stinking it has been for me having to leaving zouk or even wine bar for that matter, night after night, feeling magnificently high or pissed drunk. Somehow or another, I’m beginning to feel gross and nauseous to be in such state. I pity my liver. I apologise for my disgusting and despicable behaviour. Has my stand taken a turn? From I-go-club-to-wine-down to I-club-to-get-drunk?
This is something, serious, I need to get to the bottom and work things out. With my liver. Got to set an appointment with her. After freaking exams.

Saturday, the sorry Elaine day – 23/10

Jay woke me @ 11am, desperately trying his best to get me outta the bed to meet elaine. Boy, it was 2.40pm when I realized I’d to meet Elaine @ 1pm @ Millenia Walk, Starbucks. Holy cow. My hair went splitting and my phone went hiding under my pillow. Sorry Elaine. I overslept. That’s all I can say. Thanks for being so sweet coming over to my unfinished room, having done our mini assg. Hope you’d fun in this scantily dressed room of mine. The evening ended with dinner @ Essentitly Brews, Holland V with Kaffy. We had lots to chat on. From inconsiderably small matters to some serious talks. Well oh well, Head In the Cloud was good and it was worth taking the risk, watching an unmasked movie.

2004-10-22T14:16:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish i can SCOOP out eeeeennnyy wiiinnnyy tiiinnnyy BIRDBRAIN and hang it outside my fucking neighbour's corridor. but its just a wish. an IMPOSSIBLE WISH. if you can't or unable to (due to your limited vocabulary) give constructive (go check dictionaty.com if u need help, poor lame-ass bitch) comments, don't say it. cos i never asked for them anyway. knowing you - dumbhead and your foul mouth. you're such a dimwit, lame-brain who can speak your fucking thoughts without tact. Sometimes i do wish, i can plaster the fucking hole on your face but i nvr got the chance to get down working on it. and i nvr will. i know. Yeah say it Bitch - 'in your dreams ar chit! Muahahahaha' (thats your bumb bunny laughter, asshole). Many at times, i will loveeeeeeeeee to IGNORE you and your LAME-BRAIN JOKES, i can't cos they give me something to BITCH about you. and I need to. otherwise, my mouth will itch. Now i wish, you can go SCREW yourself, MORON! Oh i pity you.. ScATTERBRAIN ! ;P
if you think. Geez, it only took a little tiny eeeney-weeney fuse to blow out a bomb like that. Wait till you look @ yourself. Boy you're WORST! PETTY MORON ASS

2004-10-21T13:40:00.000+08:00

*confetti pops*

*sprinkles glitters*

*balloons race up into the sky*

im sooooooooo HAPPY! ECSTATIC! In high spirits! I've got my room, finally, painted! had my room walls dressed up in two pretty gurlie colours - early dawn and frost. i was anxiously waiting to return home. Time was crawling. Sec by sec. min by min. hour by hour. Was hopelessly hoping the whole day that the result will be something i'd expected. Though i wanted vertical strips of the mentioned colours, i settled for an alternative that is switching between both colours. I’ll upload the pictures when possi. O'lighty. All i need is to get down in buying is two new wardrobes (DIY, mind you) from IKEA priced at 69 bucks, each. Isn't that a STEAL! Some help from Jay in dismantling the old one and assembling the new ones. Must get this done asap before exams commence and Deepavali. I need to get two poles (which will be screwed into the ceiling), silk cloths or my mummy's unwanted sarees (muahahaha) to hang over my room creating a roomy comfy zen feel, and some frames of all shapes and sizes to display all TREASURED photos. Well oh Well. i guess these will only be done before X'Mas. Just nice. Wanna get my room up and done just in time for X'Mas! Mann i'm in Christmas-si mood! Oh sharks, i forgot my gigantic ENORMOUS BeanBag. Saw one @ Crumpler boutique. I'm such a crumpler geek. I've a crumpler bag and crumpler lappy case. Matchbox as well. and Stickers from Melbourne. Now, a crumpler beanbag (to sit, lounge, laze, loaf or have sex on hahahah) to put in a corner of my room. with a pretty lamp next to it. WooooWW!! When my room is beautified/prettified, im gonna have a gurlie night out! Over drinks, chips, manicure, magazines, pillows, and bitch slappin gossips! Girls, get ready for some booty lickin racy desirous horny lascivious steamy sultry actions! And thereafter, cleaning!

2004-10-21T11:28:00.000+08:00

don't think i HATE you, cos i never will

don't depress yourself

don't say 'nothing', say 'something'

don't think im torturing myself over him, cos im not (he's pais)

don't say you have got no time, say you'll make time

but I do know

your arms are always wide open.

lookin forward to our meet...

2004-10-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

Check out this chessy lame MSN nick -

"i know romance is not in fashion".
this is what i have got to tell you. you're one born sore loser who needs to get a happening life. you sound so desperate for her (the fashionista BITCH) and you're simply putting yourself down which is soooooooooo not you. boy this is something new about you. SORE LAME LOSER!

On a total different note,

Ouch! this hurts ..
"No.. I jus pick my gal up n going dinner with my baby now. Hope u had ur dinner already."

I know. Things wont work out between us. But I enjoy the secrets moments we share. I only hope they wont come to a stop. Not for now, at least. I pray.

2004-10-19T18:24:00.000+08:00

Social behaviour. It is defined as a behaviour that benefits individuals or the society in general. Certain social behaviours can irritate or annoy you. It can rip you off of your peace and make you all edgy. Mind you, here I'm talking only about irritable/disturbing/moronic behaviours that puts you off. Civilized, humble and modest behaviours do not have room here. Sometimes you just wanna smack their assess while most of the time, you just wanna give them a pushover each. How we wish we were allowed a chance to stump and hang these people (with such uncalled for attitudes) upside down, letting their intestines, pancreases and gile bladders hang outta their bodies. Disgusting as it may sound but the sight of their ugly devilish behaviours just provokes us to go all out to do it. There is a handful of morons in my hands that I wanna dry like those DRIED IKAN BILLIS we see in markets.

2004-10-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

whats with LOVE, these days?
i have seven friends who are nursing/fixing/mending broken hearts and/or repairing/salvaging their relationships
one's bf, who is at one corner of the world, is two timed her
one's GF who says she has no feelings her him and has asked to end the r/s
one's bf who has also two timed her
one's gf who two timed her while she was away on work assig
one's gf has feelings for one of his friends, a case of INDIRECT two timing
one's bf simply CHEATED on her big time, another case of two timer
and another, where he cheated on his GF as he has feelings for someone else. but this love saga has somehow solved. he's all lovey dovey with her, watching stars and moon.

here am i saying,

Whats with it? It is the season to TWO TIME ?
Fucking hell. Get a damn life losers. if u wanna be out, END whatever you've in hand BEFORE fishing for another. You wont know how it feels till u EXPERIENCE it for YOURSELF.

lookin at them, i dare nt reflect on my past... i share similiar sentiments and shan wannna go or even take a glance there, again.

to the 6 or 7 of u, its nt an ez road ahead. i cant say much and i dun want to. all i wanna say is .. BE STRONG. do whatever U FEEL is best 4 u and the other half. Come end of the day, its UR happiness. U owe an explanation to urself, not anyone else. live for urself. not the rest. (maybe, except ur family).

GOD BLESS.

2004-10-18T17:51:00.000+08:00

WE first seat by the STADIUM, striking short conversations, hoping we can click
(and so WE DID !)
we sat together in LECTURES
we ATE together
we STRUGGLED for our PROJECTS together
we MUGGED for EXAMS together
we HANG out, during and after school together
we BITCHED together, big time

we COMPLAINED about everything under the stars
we HELPED each other through EMOTIONS
we saw through each other in FAILURES
we eyed GUYS together
we called one another 'HUSBAND' and 'WIFE'
we lay on each other for short NAPS
we cried on each other's shoulders during STORMY days
we JOINED clubs and activities together

we PONG-TANG classes and program com meetings together
we went EVERYWHERE together
we were labelled as 'TWINS'
we share many similiar types of FRIENDS
we have the same FREQUENCY
we have similiar FASHION sense
we like similiar FOOD
we suffer from the SAME FUCKIN PMS symptons!

we did NUMEROUS things together

now its just YOU and I,

I'm here
I cry ALONE , on my lap (your shoulder isnt here)
I LAUGH alone
I EAT alone
I STUDY alone
I STRUGGLE for project alone
I PMS alone
I YEARN for you everytime
I THINK of you every now and then
I see you, JOYFULLY in his arms
I see you, all SMILES
I help myself, only to suffer from CONSTANT FALLS

and YOU.....

what have we become?

I hope you'll read this.

I'll wait for the day where you'll come knocking on my door.

2004-10-18T13:02:00.000+08:00

"i know its imposible between us. i know what REALITY has installed for me, should i purse. I rather have a friendship with you than to have a may-not-workable relationship. I dont wanna lose you or rather i dare not. Let me cherish this friendship. "

"its impossible between us. SHE is still in the picture. Dont use me just to spite her. Although you've been advised to do so. It isnt gonna do you and even ME, any good."

"thanks for the lovely night. We'll continue to hang out. hopefully, not bumping into your GF. its SCARY! to be greeted by a FIERCE, I-wanna-eat-U face."

2004-10-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

If this is what its meant to be
then why do i not feel anything?
If this is how its supposed to be
still, why do i not feel anything?
we were rejoicing with little princess
when u came in.. all smiles.
i took a glance
you looked
thats what i was told
i took u off my mind and it has been a long while
why did u re-appear...
Shooo shoooo shoo go Go go Go gO
we dont need each other, do we?
we dont even talk
let alone... to date.

2004-10-02T02:36:00.000+08:00

well i just can't seem to beat it

cause my heart's still known to fear

and this smile does all the talking

and this pain is all that's real

and i just want to stay dreaming

and i just don't want to wake

why can't we keep on sailing across this silver lake?

and the voices fall like timber

and the fear it falls like rain

and my heart has crushed the cinders

underneath this kinda pain

- Hanson, When You're Gone

my 100th entry, still it speaks pain, hurt and sheeds tears

2004-10-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

PAiNFuL

2004-09-30T01:56:00.000+08:00

in this world, you have to look out and catch yourself, should you fall
'cos none is going to bother
as they are too preoccupied in their lives
a selfish world
we all live in.
If you can't beat them,
join them.

2004-09-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

why do we feel obligated to help people
when the same bunch don't give two hoots about you
the same stock of selfish crows are self absored in their lives
that your presense is absense to them.

should we continue to help them?!
OR
ignore them?

2004-09-29T15:47:00.000+08:00

it hurts to be here
it hurts even more
when your loved ones dont understand you

2004-09-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

this is what i want
though this is not the place i want to be in
this is what i want
though i have no capability
this is what i want
but i think im wrong.

i should do what i should not what i want
purse strenght, not interest
or else you'll get slammed downright

2004-09-27T18:52:00.000+08:00

Dreams are indispensable. A lack of dream activity can mean protein deficiency or a personality disorder.
What I need is not source of protein or a better personality
But what I need is just a Miracle.

2004-09-27T01:28:00.000+08:00

people come and go in our lives almost every other day
its hurts badly esp those whom you are close with, say goodbye
all one can do is to treaure those memories and bid them farewell

so auntie,
thanks for comin into my life
thanks for being my guidance
thanks for everything you've done
im gonna miss you terribly and cry my heart out when you are outta my sight

2004-09-22T01:50:00.000+08:00

i have approached a new chapter in my life

im glad

and am deeply thankful to GOD.

i hope to keep it this way.

2004-09-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

omg!
that was exactly what i said when i logged into my blogspot to blog. "Where are my icons - fonts, font size, font colours n all gone to?" Not only has MSN and Hotmail took its respective tolls on me but here comes blogspot.com as well. wat is the fuxing problem wif today's technology esp these which are deemed as necessities. to ppl like me. to hell with technology.

back to school and the day went oh so well. not too bad. neither there somethin wonderful happened.

oh well my mind is juz too preoccupied with the icons.. where are u guys?! i cant function without creativity. this blog entry is going to be plain. no taste. no colours.

fine. whatever. im gonna bathe and zzz. too lz to touch my 103 textbk and i have 103 test tom. whatever.

time to recharge.

2004-09-18T02:55:00.000+08:00

my heart sank
my eyes were filled with tears
what are these emotions meant to be?
that deep down,
"i still have something for you?"
it beats me
to ponder and dwell further
but i shan wanna do that
i dont want to emotionally abuse myself.

2004-09-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

I'm fuxing pissed, all fumed up, irritated, maddened, outraged and vexed.

i'm like a raging bitch who is gonna scream any min

so shun away from me

i warn you

i cant seem to get into my hotmail account

and

i nd to check my mails

WTF is happenin........................................

2004-09-16T15:58:00.001+08:00

.t.h.e. .b.o.y.

L i t e r a l L i s t e n i n g

listening to content level of meaning and ignoring the relationship level of meaning (that comes wif it)

.t.h.e. .g.i.r.l.

D e f e n s i v e L i s t e n i n g

perceiving personal attacks, criticisms or hostile undertones in communication where none is intended (thats what you often say - 'thats not what i meant')

2004-09-15T17:50:00.000+08:00

Somuchworksolittime

i j u z w a n n a p l a y

2004-09-15T03:28:00.000+08:00

to New York. in 2007

i was bouncing ard in my room when i thought i had note this down

to constantly haunt myself

that im saving to go New York - the City that never sleeps

when i grad in 2007 or 2006 (depending on academic situation)

the word - SAVE, definitely isn't in my dictionary

cos i have rather wide gaps in between my fingers and

$$$ often find its way through, to retailers

but in the meantime,

let's save to go Bangkok come year end!

*shouts out aloud - I'll strive hard*

2004-09-14T16:55:00.000+08:00

i think about you all the time

i see you in my dreams

i saw you in someone's arms

you were hugged tightly

kissed gently

and treasured deeply

I'll do the same when you're mine

Come, give me a chance

i see you often in town and many places

everytime i see you,

my heart breaks and cries out loud for you

why are you takin so long

where have you been

here i am, all alone

waitin anxiously

im gettin impatient

come find your way into my arms and lap

i wanna hold you tightly

kiss you passionately

and treasure you in the years to come

they told me you're ready

ready for me

i was excited.

i dolled myself up specially to come see you

my heart was pumpin even before i reached our destination to meet

when i caught a glimpse of you

i was jumpin in joy

boy, i din expect you to be so small..
12 inches..
small and compact
i had like it BIG but i can make do with your current measurement
easy for me

i dont wanna know where you've been, playin with who

i dont wanna know cos my heart cant it anymore

all i know, now you're here wif me. here to stay. forever.

PowerBook G4 12-inch

;)

2004-09-13T21:44:00.000+08:00

so MUCH to do

so LITTLE time

2004-09-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

i'm bent.

neither bendable or un-bendable.

i waited for you. long enough.

i prayed for you. long prayers.

i yearned for you. long yearing days.

and now i'm gone.

all bent.

and history will not repeat itself. ever again.

these words i'll try to keep by.

with determination i'll succeed.

2004-09-11T03:34:00.000+08:00

YOU, Yes U.

Do U have anything that you have been wanting to say?

Stop burying your thoughts deep down.

Cos you're disturbing me.

interupting my ongoing life.

Once and for all, Say it out. Say it aloud.

loud and clear.

get it off your system.

what is it EXACTLY you want?!

use whatever means you have, to tell me.

even if its for the worst, just say.

i'm used to hearing shit. shit from you.

anything more from you, they are always shit.

noting pleasant.

not anymore.

im ready.

im waiting.

shoot me.

shoot my heart.

2004-09-10T15:12:00.000+08:00

the much awaited break from school has finally arrived. not exactly NOW. but it dawned upon me yesterday @ 15:30:01.

am in joyous mood.

aND i'll swing around in happiness for the next 10 days.

elated and gay.

2004-09-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

*Click* *Post, hold* *Snap*

*Shot taken*

*Smile* *Show me some teeth* *yeah.. so natural* *great*

*Hold, SNAP!*

*Shot taken*

2004-09-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

sometimes i jus want to run up to you

to hug you

to kiss you

and to hold you tight

read Elspeth's blog and her entry dated Sept 06, 2004 made me cry.....

2004-09-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

angel, angel where are you, my angel

come take me away

to a far far away land

let me be free

free from everything

i want to play the whole day

just you and I, only

i'll be waiting for your arrival

to take me away.

2004-09-04T21:11:00.000+08:00

Edit: I dont want to live a life with regrets, but a life with minimal regrets.

I know this is it.

the last straw.

i'd enough of it.

this is not where i want to be. though this is what i want to do. i know what i want in time to come. to be THAT somebody. the place isnt allowing me any chance.

i have tried.

i have failed.

i dont want to be in place where it shows me NO direction. i need a sense of direction in life. i thought i had by comin here but somewhere along the journey, i lost it.

going into 7th week, and im still all tears. crying in and out. day and night. weekdays and weekends. is this how i want to see myself. I pity myself. since young, i purse what i want NOT i must. what happened?! what happened to my principles?! Have i lost them too?

I dont need the society to decide for me. i dont need to follow what the society says. i dont care. i'm answerable to my own happiness. Don't tell me what to do and what not to do. If anything goes wrong, like now, are you gonna be there?! lending me your shoulder?

No, you're not here now, not standing next to me with your arms wide open. you only know how to critcize. Fux don't speak. Don't tell me I should be modest and am lucky to get into uni. Fux, you're not me so you don't know how i'm feeling. Fux, don't speak when you cant even feel it. the pain. the sorrows. Fux, don't speak when you're not even makin a damn effort to keep me going. Fux, don't pretend to show concern cos it was nvr there since the start. Fux, if you're geniunely concern for me, where the fux are you right now?! Don't come fux-ing tell me you're bz. Well, whats time mgt for?! din we learn that in school?! whatever, thats not the issue now.

i need not explain to ANYONE for my decision. I dont need anyone's support except for a handful. you know who you are.

i'm going to talk. talk to my parents. parents, let's talk.

2004-09-04T03:47:00.000+08:00

Mr Kwek, you're one SORE LOSER who thinks way too highly of yourself. you're notin but a pain.

and i detest to be friends with you.

i despise you.

i'm allergic to you.

i shudder when i think of you.

i cant stand chattin wif you esp when your ego pops up thr the chat window.

you're notin but grievances to me.

in short, i hate and dislike U.

2004-09-03T17:50:00.000+08:00

its SPRING time in aussie. Beautiful. Clear Blue Sky. Cool weather .

Awesome.

n'joy....

2004-09-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

juz as i step out and see light at the end of the tunnel,

the clouds around me turn gloomy...

and they start to pour on me..

dampening every spirit of mine.....

2004-09-02T01:02:00.000+08:00

before calling it a day, I'll like to make known that im feelin so much better. my past seem to have ran away. to a far far far away land. it doesnt seem to haunt me. like before. i hope it stays that way.

2004-09-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

Often enough, ppl tend to get too self absored. So much that they are missing a huge piece on life matter. Like joy and laughter with friends. They need someone to hammer their skulls, asking them to come out and see THE WORLD. Don't get too involved with your damn life. Do cherish those around U. You will never know when you'll need them. I meant, don't USE THEM. But keep up with them.

2004-09-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

had so much of joy, laughter and fun on friday night. with sam, eug, val, shon and des. lookin forward to another night of ,more,wild and laughs!

2004-08-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

Come light my life to embrace my darkness.

2004-08-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

i douch like.

i douch wanna be here.

i douch like being here.

i douch like to force myself.

i douch like to pretend as though i looovveeeee.

i douch like the environment.

i douch the atmosphere.

i douch [favour] the characters.

i douch like the show.

i douch like to simply tag along.

in short, i douch like SCHOOL.

i wanna leave.

i wanna go far away.

i wanna turn back time.

i wanna make the right decision WRONG and the wrong one RIGHT.

i wanna be part of THAT school.

i wanna go achieve my dreams in THAT land.

i want to be WHERE I WANT TO be not where I NEED TO BE.

god, hear my plights.

2004-08-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

all drained, physcially.

i nd sleep.

and friends.

i miss you all.

sweets, hang out soon, i pray.

i nd you guys to bring light into my dull life.

let's bond!!!

animated and burstling, all with a purpose

2004-08-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

all of a sudden, im so hyped up. all geared to run around in circles. screaming my lungs out. dashing through every minute with excitment. im zealous with energy breaking out to jump hop and spin myself around. im all frantic and jumpy to conquer my happiness. oh i was going all zonker that i got chocked on my sorrows.

*coughs them out*

im in full battle force to win a zippy gayful life.

2004-08-22T02:54:00.000+08:00

I stand alone,

with a sucky threshold for pain.

On my own feet to cure my purest sorrows,
lamenting and rantling my troubles.
Dejected and depressed, seeking self-grievances.

2004-08-21T01:42:00.000+08:00

im diggin my grave now as i nd to resign to my coffin soon-est. cos i cant run nor hide.